Music's First Romantic - in his own words...

In 1802, Beethoven realized he was going deaf. He expressed his despair in a poignant statement now known as the Heiligenstadt Testament. His deafness progressed and he became increasingly isolated from the world around him, yet his musical creativity rose to new heights. It was during this period that he composed many of his great masterworks, including his only oper "Fidelio".

The Heiligenstadt Testament

"O ye men who regard or declare me to be malignant, stubborn or cynical, how unjust ye are toward me. You do not know the secret cause of my seeming so. From childhood onward my heart and mind prompted me to be kind and tender, and I was ever inclined to accomplish great deeds. But only think that during the last six years, I have been in a wretched condition rendered worse by unintelligent physicians. Deceived from year to year with hopes of improvement, and then finally forced to the prospect of lasting infirmity (which may last for years or be totally incurable).

Born with a fiery, active temperament, even suspective of the diversion of society, I had soon to retire from the world, to live a solitary life. At times, even, I endeavored to forget all this, but how harshly was I driven back by the redoubled experience of my bad hearing! Yet it was not possible for me to say to men: "Speak louder, shout, for I am deaf." Alas! How could I declare the weakness of a sense which in me ought to be more acute than in others - a sense which formerly I possessed in the highest perfection, a perfection such as few in my profession enjoy, or even have enjoyed. No, I cannot do it.

Forgive, therefore, if you see me withdraw, when I would willingly mix with you. My misfortune pains me doubly, inthtat I am certain to be misunderstood. For me there can be no recreation in the society of my good fello creatures, no refined conversations, no interchange of thought. ALmost alone, and only mixing in society when absolutely necessary, I am compelled to live as an exile. If I approach near to people, a feeling of hot anxiety comes over me lest my condition be noticed - for so it was during these past six months which I spent in the country.... But how humiliating it was when one standing close to me heard a distant flute, and I heard nothing, or a shepherd's singing, and again I heard nothing. Such incidents almost drove me to despair; at times I was on the point of putting an end to my life. Art alone restrained my hand. Oh! it seemed as if I could not quit this earth until I had produced all I felt within me, and so I continued this wretched life - wretched, indeed, with so sensitive a body that a somewhat sudden change can throw me from the best into the worst state...

Patience, I am told, I must chose as my guide.... Oh, my fellow men, when one day you read this, remember that you were unjust to me, and let the unfortunate console himself if he can find one like himself, who in spite of all obstacles which nature has thrown in his way has still done everything in his power to be received into the ranks of worthy artists and men....

So, let it be. I joyfully hasten to meet death. If it comes before I have had opportunity to develop all my artistic faculties, it will come, my hard fate notwithstanding, too soon, and I should probably wish it later - yet even then I shall be happy, for will it not deliver me from a state of endless suffering? Come when thou wilt, I shall face thee courageously. Farewell, and when I am dead, do not entirely forget me. This I deserve from you, during my lifetime, I often thought of you and how to make you happy. Be ye so....

Thus I make my farewell of you - and indeed sadly - yes, that fond hope which I entertained when I came here, of being at any rate healed up to a certain point, must be entirely abandoned. As the leaves of autumn fall and fade, so it has withered away for me; almost the same as when I came here do I go away - even the high courage which often in the beautiful summer days quickened me, that has vanished. O Providence, let me have just one more day of joy; so long is it since true joy filled my heart. Oh when, oh when, oh Divine Being, shall I be able once again to feel it in the temple of nature and mend. Never -no- that would be too hard.